Most of us think we are. But when someone is sharing from the heart, it's hard to resist a few things that can make us bad listeners:
That last one is especially tempting. I indulged in it just yesterday. Probably will again.
But nothing can make a person shut down more quickly than sharing about their upcoming cancer surgery and hearing, "Oh, I know! Last year I had surgery on my elbow. I couldn't write for two weeks ..." etc.
Meanwhile, you're so involved in your own story that you didn't notice the other person quietly walking away.
The classic complaint from women (usually towards their men) is, "I just want to be heard."
What does that look like? I was talking (and listening) with my wife last night, and she put it this way: "We just want someone to be watching for the ball—and to catch it. Then, at some other time, they can throw—and we'll catch. And that's how relationships grow."
And, about that wisdom that most of us feel compelled to share? She continued, "The last thing we want is answers from men (i.e., humans). We flee from the wisdom of men! After all, most of our problems come from men."
Good point.
Bottom line: "We want another person to say, 'Yes, I'm present.' Most of all, we don't want to be alone."
Are you listening?
- Talking over the other person
- Offering solutions
- Replying with our own experiences
That last one is especially tempting. I indulged in it just yesterday. Probably will again.
But nothing can make a person shut down more quickly than sharing about their upcoming cancer surgery and hearing, "Oh, I know! Last year I had surgery on my elbow. I couldn't write for two weeks ..." etc.
Meanwhile, you're so involved in your own story that you didn't notice the other person quietly walking away.
The classic complaint from women (usually towards their men) is, "I just want to be heard."
What does that look like? I was talking (and listening) with my wife last night, and she put it this way: "We just want someone to be watching for the ball—and to catch it. Then, at some other time, they can throw—and we'll catch. And that's how relationships grow."
And, about that wisdom that most of us feel compelled to share? She continued, "The last thing we want is answers from men (i.e., humans). We flee from the wisdom of men! After all, most of our problems come from men."
Good point.
Bottom line: "We want another person to say, 'Yes, I'm present.' Most of all, we don't want to be alone."
Are you listening?
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